Uneasiness

The word in the title is used to describe an uncomfortable feeling.

Why am I writing this article?

Well, I’m writing this article to cope up with the same feeling.

Recently I have started experiencing an uneasiness. I do not know for sure why is it so, but if I try too hard to describe it in words, it comes out something like this:

  • It is a feeling that I’m not in the right place at the right time.
  • A feeling that time is no longer my friend.
  • A feeling of a loss (which I do not know what)

And the amazing thing about it is that this feeling is no alien to me. I’ve experienced it many times before, and perhaps that’s why I’m able to explain it in words (however hard it is, the words are still there). But this time I do not know the actual cause. And it is driving me crazy.

I no longer sleep at nights the way I use to, I’m not drinking enough water, not taking care of the temple that I used to.

And it is not that I don’t want to, it is just that time is not by my side.

I’m looking for an escape from this world for a little while. Like going into the Himalayas in peace.

There is a train of thoughts running in my mind which I cannot stop.

Yeah… I do meditate, it stops for a while, I feel good but then again it starts like a slowly blossoming flower. In my case, it is not a flower, it is a thorn that is hurting me, making me sad.

Maybe my inner-self is trying to speak something that I’m not able to translate. Or maybe, this time, my inner-self is himself confused.

Things around me are changing very fast. Things that I cannot control and maybe that is what is making me feel powerless and thus I have a feeling of uneasiness. And perhaps that is the reason I do not have any answers. Because I do not really know how to stop it from changing. It is something not in my control.

Wow. that explains the cause of this uneasiness.

And now that I think of it, well, that is the reason.

In fact, a lot of things are changing very fast around me except me. Now all I need to do is to find the solution to keep myself stable. Bring my self back to normal.

Maybe changing myself with the surrounding will help me.

Well, I don’t know how to cope up with this feeling yet but since now I know the cause, I can look for the right solution.

Thanks to myself.

Always Keep Things Simple

Let me tell you a well-known secret:

You cannot always make the right decisions in your life.

~Annonymous

This little secret is the truth of life. You cannot always make the right decisions. Even if you have thought a million times before making a decision, there is a probability that your decision will be wrong.

I really do not like this idea. No matter how true it seems to me but I always have a hard time believing it.

In fact, this very idea demotivates me because it makes the world probabilistic. Uncertain. Not defined.

And I’m sure all the scientists hate it too.

No matter how hard you try there is always a scope of getting it wrong.

But wait!!!

There is one more secret, this is also well-known.

Always trust your instincts they are always right.

~Annonymous

And the reality is: both of these stand true.

It may seem contradictory but they are not.

A Situation

I’m sure many of you might have been in a similar situation where you made a certain decision against your instinct and it turned out wrong.

That is the moment you feel sorry for not listening to your instinct.

That is the moment when you feel betrayed because you didn’t listen to yourself.

You didn’t trust yourself enough to make a decision.

I also faced a similar situation recently. I made a mistake of trusting a wrong person in spite my spidey sense was tingling.

I knew that it is not the way to move forward but I did anyway because it was the easy option.

The Lesson Learned

Third secret:

You cannot always make the right decisions in your life but your instincts can.

~ Derived

If you ever face an above-mentioned situation in your life where you are not one with your inner soul. Then always go with the soul. It knows the best of you.

Scientists are still trying to figure out all the instincts related shit that happens inside your head. But if you pay enough attention, you can pretty much experience it by yourself.

All the neurons firing inside your head without your control trying to simulate the best possible future for you based on your current course of actions. In short Karma.

Sometimes our subconscious mind reaches at the conclusions so fast that it takes time for our conscious mind to reach there.

Keeping all the explanation aside, just take one thing from this experience

Always Trust Your Instincts.

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Health Is The Most Important Asset

From the last 3 days, I’m feeling sick. And this has some major consequences on my concentration which has made me inefficient in work.

The sickness is not big, it’s just because I ate something the other day which led to an upset stomach. But this has led me to look into the things that actually matter.

Health is a gift of nature. We are really grateful that our minds and bodies are fit and healthy. Imagine a person who is suffering from Asthama or Diabetes. Life is so much different for them. They constantly have to think at every single point in their life before taking any decision.

After all, it is health that is real wealth and not the pieces of gold and silver.

So, from this day, I’m going to make a promise to myself, a promise to wake up early every day and go for jogging. Doesn’t matter if I’m running on the hard roadside or on soft ground. I’m going to run at least 2km every day to the rest of my life.

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Where Is Life Taking You?

Do you know where are you headed?

Are you 100% clear what you want to be in life?

Do you know how are you going to become what you want to become?

From my personal experience, I do not think that anyone can answer the above questions with certainty. As Steve Jobs once said – You can only connect the dots backwards.

That is so true, so true.

At every stage of my life, I wanted to be someone, I wanted to achieve something, I wanted to excel at a certain skill so that I can use it to accomplish something. But that something keeps on changing with time. And then a point comes in life where you stop and ask yourself –

Where the heck am I going?

Most people do not even realize to ask this question. They are often too busy to even realize that they are getting trapped even deeper every day that they are spending without asking that question.

Again by reading the lives of Legends you understand that the biggest difference between them and you is that question.

Steve Jobs used to stand in front of the mirror every single morning and asked himself – Is is something that I want to do what I’m about to do today? And if the answer comes back as NO for 7 days in a row then he knew something is not right and needs to be changed.

That single question is like a Geo Positioning System in your life. That question helps you to stick with your inner calling. That question is the answer to your life’s biggest mysteries.

Are You a Sci-fi Fan?

If you love Science Fiction then I’m sure you know about the multi-verse theory.

A theory that suggests that every logical decision that you take every time, you give birth to a new universe. From the T-shirt that you pick up in the morning, the first leg you chose to put your shoes to the time you chose to close your eyes gives birth to all the possible universes.

So yes there are multiple Varun in multiple universes that took some other decision than what I did. And yes in one or the other universe I’m living a life that I once thought I would live.

I’m not really sure if this theory is true, but it does make me feel good about life.

I feel more alive and in the moment, more alive at decision making and kinda love multiple choices at every point in life. Multiple choices are so much better than a single deterministic route… Don’t you think the same?

It is the choices that make your life interesting.

Never be afraid of the choices in front of you. Because one of those choices will decide your faith in this universe. It is simply WOW.

Life Is Too Short

Average human life span is around 70 years in India. Out of which 21 years are lost in studies. Then an additional 3 years are spent in finding an okay 2bhk flat in some metro city (if you an IT engineer). So it is not wrong to say that 25 years of your life is gone just to cementing your survival in India.

Well, after you have secured your survival, you start thinking about making it better. I’m talking about buying fancy stuff and other expenses. Well, these are very subjective so I won’t delve into it here but I think you got the point.

After 60, your body doesn’t support you that well. And this number is very generous, looking at the average health of an individual, 37 years is the number when your body starts fading away. Most of us do not take care of our body. And it starts deteriorating after 37.

So, you just have 17 or 20 years remaining to find a lover, marry your lover, buy a house, buy a car, have kids, grow kids and whole loads of other things. Oh, I did not mention about travelling here which most of us desire

What amazing to notice here is that people are very ignorant about this fact. It is like they just do not care. It is like they think they are going to live forever. And I think that is the lamest way to live your life. If you know when you are going to die, don’t you wanna try and do everything that you can. Won’t you be interested in every single thing that you ever wanted at some point in your life?

You are not going to live forever, not in this century at least. So cherish every moment, every breath, every smile, every tear, every hug, every touch and all the things that there is in this life. Because life is short and you never know when it’s going to end.

As I always say –

Nothing Lasts Forever. So Live It Up, Drink It Down, Laugh It Off, Avoid The Bullshit/Drama, Take Chances, And Never Have Regrets Because At One Point Everything You Did Was Exactly What You Wanted.

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How Enthusiastic Are You?

I always have this feeling inside me that I’m pushing people more than they want to be pushed.

I do not know if something is wrong with me or the people around me are less enthusiastic.

Maybe they give me the wrong impression of their interests. Or maybe I pick the wrong signals from people when they say they want to work on some project with me.

Maybe they just say YES to work in order to make me happy. Like they are trying to be a good friend by showing interest in my work which in reality they don’t give a damn about.

The point is – I don’t know. And nobody tells me the reason.

So, I just want to ask you all, is it wrong to ask friends to join you in your work?

Is it wrong to take their YES seriously enough to proceed on with the project?

And just to be clear, I’m okay to take a no for an answer. I would understand if someone doesn’t want to spend their precious time working with me on some project. I totally understand the importance of their time. And I’m willing to understand their side.

It would be so much easier if people in my circle learn to say no on my face, instead of showing a fake enthusiasm. Because fake enthusiasm really hurts me afterwards.

I’m sure many of you might have faced such a situation before and I would really appreciate if you are willing to share your experience with me in a similar situation.

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Taking Break After 400 Days

It has been the longest working period for me. I worked continuously for more than 400 days. So in this Diwali, I took a 2-week leave just for the relaxation.

I used this time to completely cut myself from work.

I spent this time reading a book, playing video games and morning basketball. Ate my Mother’s Delicacies like Butter Chicken, Butter Paneer, Maithi Paratha, Chole Bhature and a lot of other things. Spent more time with my family.

It Gets Hard To Switch To Normal Life

One thing that I noticed after taking a break after so long is that it gets hard to switch to a normal lifestyle of comfort.

Although, I made a pact to myself not to look at the work these days but still my mind use to wander in that realm when I’m not paying attention. And it is hard to keep a check on the mind all the time when you are free. This often makes it difficult. The obvious effect of it is sleep deprivation and constant tiredness. Your mind keeps talking to you. You really have to put a lot more focus just to bring your mind to the right place.

At the end of my first week, I was able to bring my mind back to normal but for that, I had to do a constant effort from my side.

So, if you guys are working for long periods without breaks then stop doing that right away.

I would strongly suggest you all work in short periods like 3-6 months and then take a break. Go for a small 2-3 days vacation, take your mind off from work completely, do something exciting or lie down calm (doesn’t matter).

What matters is that you give yourself enough space from work to let the creative juices flowing in your head.

Otherwise, there is no sense in living a life without fun.

Do not worry about the money, the money will flow even more if your mind is in the right place, producing the right kind of juices to make the right decisions. You never become rich by keeping yourself busy all the time, you become rich by keep doing the thing that is good for your brain and that doesn’t involve sleeping.

Just give it a thought.

Let me know in the comments below.

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How It Feels Like Living Alone In A Big Apartment

Ever since I started thinking about the future, I planned of living all by myself in some big fancy apartment (Hollywood has an effect on every young boy in India). And finally, after a few years, I’m kind of living the same that I planned before. But it is not like I thought it would be. In fact, it is very different from the way I use to imagine it would be like.

Living alone does sounds cool. And yes it is kind of cool, but it is not that easy. When you are living alone, it is you who have to take care of yourself completely. A simple cold can make your nights really bad. And there will be no one around to offer you a warm cup of tea or coffee.

We never cherish the moments that we spend living with our family or friends, because we take all of that for granted until one day you realize their importance. The amazing thing about living alone is you realize that you never really miss the happy moments you spent with your friends or family, rather the moments what you miss the most are the ones where you seem to be irritated by their small actions.

For instance, your mother shouting at the top of her voice for food when you are immersed in doing something intense like coding or gaming :D. Your friends switching off the wifi just in the middle of an important download and never feel sorry about it. I’m just giving the decent examples but you are a bachelor you can think of all those dirty ones as well. The point is, you miss the moments that use to annoy you all the time.

I think that is the nature of our reality. We become accustomed and habitual to the things that irritate us the most and when that is taken away, instead of cherishing it we miss it.

By any means I’m not saying this is bad or I don’t like it here, in fact, what I’m trying to imply in this article is that everyone should try and live alone at some point in their life. The alone time that you spend with yourself, teaches you so many things about the reality of your life.

What I learned amazed me. The life is never what you think it is, life is what you make of it. You start to see the depth of this simplest quotes (if not try reading some spiritual books :p). I’m sure we all read quotes and cherish them but I would want you to experience them. It is only when you experience them by yourself, you realize its true worth and the power it holds.

I hope I didn’t bore you with this article 😀

Cheers 🙂